What is a Hipster?

Hipsters can be described as people who are already sick of something you have only just discovered. They have the attitude, the look and no real job to support it all. Bohemians don't need jobs--there is too much art to produce and cigarettes to smoke. If you admit to being a hipster, then you are NOT a hipster. That is pretty much the only rule they have. . . I still have not learned the secret handshake.
Ever look at those silly fashion features in the NY Times Sunday magazines? Have you gazed with slight amazement and skepticism at the wafer-thin 20-somethings who look so sad, intense and silly in shorts, a skinny tie, men's dress shoes with no socks and a waxed mustache (usually sported by the male species)? I'm pretty sure you can't be a hipster if you have more than 7% body fat--those skinny jeans are really the first line of defense for the status.
So how do you know when you have spotted a hipster? If you answer "Yes" to any of these questions, then its a sure bet:
Do you own skinny jeans, old school chucks, cabbie hat, the 70′s vest, an ironic t shirt or hat, a fitted sweater, flannel shirt, or chunky lens-less glasses? Do you drink PBR, have an ironic mustache, have a blog that allows you to post pictures you took with your digital camera? Been called a hipster? Deny being a hipster, but own various wardrobe and sport an asymmetrical hair style that is considered Non-Mainstream? Smoke Parliaments? Got any cool tattoos? Perhaps one of a star, maybe on your wrist or elbow? Own a vintage dress or have an awesome beard?
For the record, I don't smoke Parliaments, have any tattoos or have the ability to grow an awesome beard (probably would if I could though). Plus I don't ride a "fixie" bike--the hipster's beloved mode of transportation. They no doubt brag about finding it at a garage sale and paid $50.00 for it--then spent another $175.00 on "upgrading" it--with their parents hard earned money. This is the type of bike that has one gear and no freewheel. That means when the bike is rolling downhill, the pedals are moving whether the rider likes it or not. The really serious ones opt out on that whole braking concept and instead rely on sliding the bike 90 degrees to the oncoming danger. The hipster and his/her bike is beautifully parodied in this comical rap video comparing the bike cultures in Portland (hipster vs. Spandex).Hipsters are very serious looking. Never smiling, laughing or being silly. My friends and I joke (dream, really) of starting a separate blog called: "Hipster Fall from Grace." Its sole purpose would be expose (with photos and stories) hipsters seen doing un-hipster things--like taking a driver's exam, stepping in dog poop, shopping at Target, riding a bike with more than one gear, singing along to a Coldplay song (if this is you, get a hipsterpod immediately). It is so difficult not to weigh in on the ridiculousness going on all around you in this young, hip city. They are such easy targets, mainly because they take themselves SO seriously. Plus they look just plain silly.
